So, prior to graduation, during baseball, Senior Son’s nose was grazed by a baseball pitch. Well, a little more than grazed actually…his nose kind of broke. However, the wait time for swelling to go down before the doc would see him was 5 days and with all the festivities and family in town it wasn’t feasible for him to have his nose set prior; therefore, this past Tuesday was that big day. Immediately going from Senior Son to College Freshman with a bang by having a procedure to reset his nose under anesthesia, as an outpatient.
Prior to the morning of the procedure, the calls for information were directed to me, however, upon arrival on the morning of to the hospital, I was no longer the mom needing to sign the papers as his “guardian”, rather, College Freshman catapulted into adulthood making his own decisions about his personal medical care in a snap. The docs barely even looked at or to me for any information. Gut wrenching! At the same time, refreshing realizing that my boy is perfecting independent and capable of communicating his medical needs clearly, concisely and with confidence. I was proud of him. But, even though College Freshman is a big, bold, bad cluster of confident awesomeness, he was still quite nervous prior to his “procedure”. He wore it! His face was not able to hide his fear of being “put to sleep”. The night before he inquired, “don’t they put animals ‘to sleep’? How can this be a good thing?” My mommy heart was pained for him trying to reassure him and provide all the best and most factual information for him. Even giving him my own personal experience.
Post op, his fear turned to dazed and confused to fully confident once again within a matter of minutes. His post op words, “…that was really kind of nice…I could do that again.” To my response…”Whoa, slow down there Turbo…we don’t need anymore of these visits anytime soon buster!”
The mommy desire is still there to come in and rescue, console, baby, nurture and my mommy heart still hurts when he hurts and is scared. Will it ever end? I’m afraid not. Now is just a balancing act of letting go and maintaining nurturing love and compassion allowing my College Freshman to spread those wings and fly even higher!
I continue to remind myself this is a good thing and looking back will be awesome, however, for now, it still hurts! And navigating that pain is…well…kind of sucky and at the same time pretty awesome to see fruits of my parenting labor!